Something I Wrote..

check me out baby what it is
I'm feeling like Ive had a mad crush on you like we kids
i thought u were complicated but I'm starting just to comprehend
that you like simplicity and ain't trying to get played again

well, if you looking for security
I'm only eighteen but baby check out my maturity
grown man swag and deception is a sin to me
I'm not looking at ya body cuz your brain is appealing me

you seem to be want i want but its kinda offending me
complexion makes me hot while your freckles giving chills to me
i want to no you better and go further is the deal with me
we just hit it off, but i wonder if your feeling me

when you talking..... I'm steady listening
sometimes i wonder whom else finds you interestin
if your swag was murder you'd be killin it
so i can only be real just hope that you feeling it

so if we ever go out and start to chillin it
i might wanna get closer so let me know if your diggin it
i no i be horny but I'm not just tryna drill in it
you act so innocent i no you just concealing it

so if we start to kickin it, ill make you start revealing it
and i get to fill in it, loving huggin n kissin it
i no u might start buggin im away and u be missin it
but you would always be my star and stay glistening

my mind started just driftin off
lets act like its half time n get it kickin off
when i look in ya big brown eyes i start staring off
right in to space, your being keeps me embraced

im ready for the chase your steps ill retrace
and when i finally get you i wouldn't need to replace


its iight i think..just some random ish..
chu think?

Irritated

So..




I'm SO FUCKING IRRITATED OUTTA MY MIND. EVERYONE IS FUCKING ANNOYING ME TO THE 3RD POWER. i don't even no why but everyone is being fucking difficult and this shit is fucking retard. I'm like is it my fault? lol ...then I'm like df.. I'm not even doing shit your just making shit hard period.

ugh man i was irritated all day really, the fucking bus didn't come...and the one that did come broke the fuck down and i was waiting for like 2 hours. i had to be at work at 4:15 and didn't get there til 4:30 which wasn't as bad as i would have been if i still waited on the bus. my sister came and picked me up. oh, she just brought her a car the other day. I'm happy for her n shit I'm like wow, your moving up in the word. like couple months ago you wasn't tryna do shit lol, now your climbing to the top, step by step. so that made me smile.

man.. work was alright, I'm really just chilled and was fucking with the customers. lol i remember when they didn't like my ass, i was the new boy at work. they was all like, yeah...you must be new. lol now they all know my name. they come in and speak to me... n shit and kick it with me. lol feels like i got new friends n shit. they be giving me money n shit, for who knows what reason. lol some lady came in and was like "Antwan!, Here". and gave me 50 bucks. white ppl are cool some times. i guess. couldn't date a white chick....ugh. pink Gina is not the kind i wanna be poking. period. ugh at period... ion no why they just made me frown.

your reading this? well hi, how are you? how was your day? good. who gives a fuck though?
not me....you so fucking naive...you no that right? yes you. oh get mad...yeah oh yeah think that imma asshole too. and imma laugh at you for being dumb. okay okay...you know i love you. df hell no. ugh. your a ho. ho..... ho ass.

anyway I'm done speaking to you.

I'm going out tomorrow nite after i get off work. i haven't in a minute. so imma have fun and enjoy. gonna see who's gonna grind on me tomorrow? if its you follow me and we can party. lol

okay I'm bored. I'm listening to shoot me down by Lil Wayne. the chorus be having me thinking how people take me for granted. how i put my sweat n tear into shit period and ppl don't appreciate it. how i keep it real and ppl cant. this been really irritating me for a couple of days now. I'm been angry inside. but i just covering it by working and online classes I'm taking. i just been staying occupied.


my best friend been missing me alot. she no I've be MIA a Lil. but we spoke about alot of the shit that's been going on. that's one person i love to def. even tho she's super dingy. ugh dingy women..it can be cute sometimes..

iight I'm done.

iight so.

fake ppl are amongst us all. for real you'll never know who the trust. like ion no I'm not even mad enough to address it. like i noticed. i cant get angry anymore. like for some reason. i can never get mad enough to just wanna go crazy anymore. like go on a rampage. ion no whats the deal. i guess i thought i was angrier inside than i thought. ion no i got alot of shit build up. but i guess exploding isn't me anymore. and stupid shit don't faze me no more. ion no what the deal is. but blah, yesterday i went to go get my check. I'm waiting in the sun for like a hour n a half to get there..man didn't get there til 7 didn't get home til eleven. then i crashed.

man i realized that alot of shit i cared for. i should just let it be. like its not even cool anymore. I've always been the nigga to give more than a fuck about people or things period. no matter what i forgave and forget or just let shit fly. cuz that just how i am. ion like holding grudges cuz at the end of the say, how is being mad or angry bettering me as a person. how is that making me money. how is that making me successful? no way at all.

man its only 5 and I'm super BORED. blah i stole that Cbox from yo shit. well I've seen it before but still. i want one and don't hate. i also made a Social Vibe the other day. like i think the whole concept of the site. i think its cool by just by being on there you earn points to raise money for a cause. and if any of you don't have one. DO NOT MAKE ONE without letting me add you. or i will not talk to you ever again period. thank you.

my mind is spinning with alot of shit i wanna express but ion even no how to say that shit...i just wish ppl would be more real. i swear...

okay.

my sister and i went shopping yesterday. aye being a dad gets u alot of play i see. plus my Lil sister is good so we was just chilling. eating Candie n Slurpee's then she had to pee so ugh i had to take her in the men's bathroom. felt weird. but i got her some dunks( thanks to someone, i think they look nice on kids feet now). so she was looking nice.

this is exactly why i shouldn't be online. while i was at getting off work Saturday evening. i stopped in the mall to get me a Cinnabun. okay..i got 3 Cinnabuns.... but that's beside the point. the point is some chick walked by, and was giving me the eye, [note, i just got off work, i probably smell like sour cream and bean burritos]. so she come back with a friend. and I'm tryna smash it. so i wipe my face and look up shes like,

"hey, isn't your name Twan?"

"yeah..."

"you don't no who i am?"

"EM...no?"

"what!, your Realfake on Crushspot, i came to your page the other day me and my friend, how don't you no me!?!? my name is ithinkimfam0useveryoneknowmeintheDEE313 @ cs dot com.[random name i made up]I'm always top rated"

"well nah you don't look familiar, but I'm bout to get on the bus ill holla at y'all"
-speed walks away-

this is what happens when the whole fucking city is on the same site. like no one is fucking SAFE! df I'm being stalked by net whores. i mean damn, that's why i need a fake address n shit. these hoes getting smart now! they'll track a nigga down. use you IP ADDRESS to find out where yo house at and come molest you ass. fuck all that :( ion like hood rats.

random shit:
* your still on my wallpaper, so when i open my phone cierra goes "hey ___"
* i need to by some boxers, i caught my brother rockin me shit...
*speaking of that, i caught a nigga who dont live in my house rockin my boxers,
my brother[who is 20] got niggas spending the nite n shit.
* i need socks, caught em rocking that too.
* if you tell someone, dude ill have to money tomorrow, is it smart to keep asking me will i have it today.[DF]
*im the man.
* yo that T.I. JOINT[ no. 2 on my play list ] EVERY TIME I PLAY IT I START GETTING HYPE. THAT'S MY SHIT.....
* i miss you
*i love you, will you say it back?

Your Name Clear...

My bodie's cold since your warmth left here
hard to hear anything else when yours voice not here
tired to repaint with something but it all just smeared
i watched it run the down the canvas,remind me of my tears
when they decline down my cheeks on the floor they appear
with all this fog built around me my sight disappears
all i want is for everything to be your name put right here clear

Things feel awkward to highest degree I'm wanna come down from that
my strength steady faze cause of the stability i lack
my bone begin to crumbling i cant keep it in tact
if i once was thrown off course ill follow til I'm right on track
anything else equals fiction my confessions are fact
that i want my three words to come back

[thats what i want..]

Say

Say you remember how good love can be baby
Say you'll never lose your faith in me baby yeah..



that's and robin been on repeat a lot along with fellow other songs to express me lately. I'm a guy im not prefect i fuck it as well as everyone does. I'm not Mr " i do everything right. I'm human, i do stupid things. i make stupid mistakes. i make dumb decisions. i no this. i see that. i wish i could be sometimes. and you no stupid shit wouldn't happen. wouldn't make me regret dumb shit i did. wouldn't make me be like "damn, how could i have done this differently". Those stupid regretful thoughts that play back like df was you thinking. that have you constantly in a state of mind where you confused, and frustrated to the point you wanna break shit. like man...are you serious. the point I'm tryna make is, "i broke the lamp that you made for me, and I'm repairing it as we speak so it can be good as new". this is a one of a kind lamp you brought in to my life and its only one in existence. I'm didn't mean to break it. if you get my drift. i never intentionally ever would do anything to break that bond. its self explanatory. i cant act like i don't care when i no i do. if i had to jump of a cliff to get to you knowing id break every bone in my body, i probably would...as long as you take me to the hospital afterwards. please...

in other news, Ive gotta pee very very bad.. like i been drinking mad mountain dew baja blast at work. that shit is like crack... my leg was fucking with me today but i ignored it as much as i could cause i had to walk on it. it was nothing i could do. it hurt bad as hell today, like i was damn near biting my lip. but I'm surviving. you know. smh mom my bailed this fool outta jail. dumb ass i wish she would think sometimes. I'm tired of having to fight with this grown ass man..shit is crazy.

imma update later, i gotta pee bad

note: Cierra asked about you last nite...
I'm mad that's the last thing she said to me before i hung up the phone.
shes getting mad smart. i swear.

tired

its early, and i got work soon....god waking up early is a pain....well for me cuz i hate waking up...im not a morning person...no where near.....



ionno i really dont have anything to write right now so imma just talk to other ppl in my blog...

Jay:
My nigga...i hope all is going well my nigga. keep me posted on whats the deal

Dina:
Hey Babe,Whats Up You And Mars stay in my comments, what you up too. i think your still up in the pool games :( fuck you!

Bre: wow df have you been, i would think everything would be all gravy with you. but i see your still having issues, but df who isnt having issues... i missed you tho its been like how many months? you still with dude? you need to txt meh. keep me posted.

I Know China Be Lurking, She Just Dont Comment.

Okay I would make this long but i gotta go and shit.....
fuck working..

so yeah

so work was good.
came home.
chilled.
kick'd it peeps.
kick it with ash
she wanna be apart of my life she say's
tell me anything right?
fin

Real Fake?

you start to understand when people are really fake and aren't really real. like things will never go back to how they were when you seen people acting like this. like I'm looking at shit, and you once talk mad ish about a person. now y'all "BFF"?. and when you steady express to a person the truth and they are so stubborn to realize when there being manipulated. when you cant even keep it real and answer simple ass question. YES or NO how simpler do it get. like its a big ass fucking headache when people are difficult. and childish at that. you can talk to other ppl about the problem instead of coming to the person who the problem is with. does that make any sense? listening to people who barely know whats going on there damn self. but you take there word for it? that's makes since? like you've never had a problem before and one thing can fuck up all that? means you never wasn't into it like you said you were. you never felt the way you said you did. you fake you not real. you foul your phony. you like fake Nike's and Jordan's being sold at the flea market fake. like seriously. i did my part to let you know whats true and whats false. and if you cant believe the person you claim to feel these ways for then why even lie to me in the beginning.
if i being up how you lied to me then I'm tryna flip the switch but its only true right? you did. and i didn't go all the way you acted. your selfish, your stubborn and inconsiderate. and that's not fair. to me i don't think. i never had a fair chance to stay my peace every time I'm lying. but hey imma just say either your going to come around and talk to me if you actually give a fuck or you not. imma stop trying to see where yo head at...

in other news I've had surgery on my leg, like i was numb but i watched the whole thing... like my legs been really fucked up i haven't really told anyone so your getting an exclusive peek in my life..I'm tired of being sick n shit its not helping me be happy. i gotta enough bs to think about already.

Don't you hate when ppl talk shit behind the scene and cant tell you straight up? like for real? your a coward. like dude be serious. a dude who will run to females about problems with another dude is soft...you don't live that far from me come see me bro. be a man. your 20? like come on like your real childish yourself.

anyway women as slow i just noticed how slow some of y'all really are... simple things tho lmao. how many fucking times are u gon ask me my name? Twan? df. slut. the damn nurse at the hospital asked me that...

anyway I'm being rushed off my blogg...grrr...peace

bad to good day.

well i had to get sugery....

aye+

yo i got a new job yo.
thats wassup. i start next week.
bout fuckin time..... so ill finally be on this bitch less n less...

smh thats all.

wow

my life is getting better as we no it. yo man. this shit is crazy whats been happening lately but i just got the best news. man......yo.....moneys gonna be rolling in. seee thats for ppl who thought a nigga wouldnt be shit..

aye, lemme ask you a question?

am i blowed or what?

yo

i read that blog.
and thats retard that you think that way. if i said something i mean it. i mean you had a right to be mad but in the end your stubborn and you wont listen to me period. like i was wrong for being mad at what i saw in your email. but i let it go...i mean its alot of things that can be let go. ive talked to you. i have to you start up. was the deal. and im being played now. you posting niggas now. and all that shit. like iight if you don't wanna kick it fine....whatever

i ain't gon lie n say i ain't hurt. .

i love you for real. you no that. so..ionno you'll have to think about it. i did my part..

um, did that just happen?

for real or am i dreaming. has everything i had planned out just shatter or is it just a hiatus? real talk I'm shocked, and surprised really. i don't even no what to start and I'm not going to make this took long of a entry imma keep it as short as possible hopefully. like that was the last thing i really expected as oh now. i have alot of shit running through my head its crazy. i held in my tears and tried to talk like nothing was wrong when you can read right through me. they fell on to my shirt constantly. but i wanted to be regular. it hurts? hell yes it does.

but you no what always happens to me? is when its around the mark of the day everything officially happened. the day after it crumbles. i no everything deeper than it really is and i no its more to it then just me. but fuck, i got emo's too. so imma just express it. like i said id never let this go. forever.

and that's what i still want. id be majority struck if you moved onward. i think that would be unfair. i don't think i really had my fair chance yet. i no i deserve more with this. i no its also my fault. maybe if my situation was better then it could of been a diff way to solve things. you know.

I'm still not done. i guess this might be more longer than i thought. my whole being will always be somewhere with you. and i hope things get better and your situation gets better too. you know?
the one thing I'm good about is that it didn't happen in a very negative way. that it wasn't on bad term type things. you know? but no matter what. if its not now. imma come for you. no matter what. cause you cant say i don't deserve you.

-Twan.

Midday Part One.

so yo.
like Ive been up and down this whole week. its crazy. ion no wtf is going on but it needs to be fixed asap. ahem!

whelp i worked this weekend it was cool for the most part tho. Friday i had to go in at 3 so i was like fuck it. it was a cool ass time. chilled wit my co workers. this chick that quit and cussed the manager out came back begging for a job. i thought that was funny as hell. I was cracking jokes on everyone as i usually do. my check was pretty cool. thought it would be a lil more but hey. I'm getting something you know? anyway. so the lady i been working with cut me a check too so that was smooth too. i think tomorrow imma go up to the bank and just open my account myself. i was gon wait but i cant wait no more smh. i been procrastinating.

Aye so have you ever won anything? whelp i have! for the first time! at my job they had this scratch off cards n shit and u win a 100 debit card. so every time i scratched i lost so I'm like blah whatever. so then Saturday i didn't it again n was like blah.I'm always losing and i just put it in my pocket blah!. so later im just bored& i pulled it out to throw it away and i WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

i was like word. but YOU KNOW HOW HATERS IS. niggas like blah how you win? that's not fair. aw that's bullshit. fuck you. dont hate tho. so I'm like damn this is going better than i thought it would go.
Sunday was just regular. my leg healed up n everything so it was smooth didn't too much happen that day. BUT YESTERDAY YO.... everything went down hill. and i don't even no where to start.
i got my haircut tho. ion even like that! this nigga fucked up my mustache. i look young as fuck... never again will that happened. got me looking like the pringles man. smh. so i get home and my mom been calling n calling me to speak to him. so I'm like yo, ya moms calling you man call her back. he like "so? i don't care fuck her". and i mean that's my brother. but you taking it to far nigga being disrespectful. like dude. your 20. your jobless. you brainless cause obviously your not trying go to school. or get a job. he stuck in kid mode. i mean i eventually gonna fully grow outta that shit. but damn at 20? i not gon even been thinking of the same shit im thinking now...maybe only vagina. so i snapped on his ass. so to avoid fighting em i went to sleep for like a hour n a half.

woke up. i was getting fone calls but i wasn't answering. then i got a vmail saying one of my friends got killed. another one tho...like this hasn't hit me yet....but i know it will SO... I'm just acting like it didn't actually happen. and in my mind I'm like this is true. so I'm just tryna you no release whats on my mind, but the person i go to for that acting weird too... so I'm back where i was from the beginning. by my self.

shits crazy now. but hey....I'm not gon stop living. but all this stress got my nerves bad. I've noticing my fingers aren't steady they be shaking a lil. blah whatever...

Nite Time Part 3.

I missed my lil sister so much man. shes the only thing that keeps me sane. other that biglilboo. i haven't seen her in like a month and shes so damn big man. like seriously. i was at my dad's door waiting for them to get home and they pulled up. i snuck up to the side where she was sleep and opened the door. she did a double take like "....hi bro.......WHAT?!... BRO? where you come from!" I'm like i missed you. lol she likes me the most. its always like that. cuz I'm cool. i was tryna hold a convo with pops and shes like "bro.....bro.....broooooooo......sigh...BRO!.....ANNNNNTWANNNNNN"
I'm like "oh huh". man i love her. me and her pushed her mom in the closet and locked her in there lol.

For the longest Ive been wanting a XBOX360! and finally someone has a deal for 150$. so I'm pondering if i should buy it or not cuz the money i just got imma open a account and put my money in there OR i can wait til my next check and do it and get the xbox now. what chu think? i need to decide. i really want one :(. i play GTAIV only like 3 times. its awesome. i want one BAD. id get one before id get me more drawers.

blah. grr i need to quit saying blah....Krystal is rubbing off on me. i told her the first time i ever talked to her i thought she'd have a ol sweet lil voice. but once she started talking i was like wow " she has a lil thug in her". I'm like she gon be cursing me out in the near future... lol.

so one of my READERS talked about me talking about my favorite planet. so i thought about it. and ill like the M.....OOON. like even tho it isn't a planet but i wanna jump high and float n shit like the moon is a like a living bounce house. i saw this picture of a hotel that they were gonna make on the moon. fuck that i want a house on the Moon. that would be AWESOME. i wish i could buy the Moon. and be able to go there whenever i like. and don't have to worry about life down here. like that would be kool to me. ill still need cable tho.

i thought about if i had kids today, and i think in about 2 yrs it could happen. like having a lil mini me would be kool. i think id be stable enough to have one. ion no i seen this super cute baby today and she was SO pretty and good and she liked me. she kept coming to the cash register staring at me. i couldn't stop smiling I'm like damn shes gonna be beautiful when shes older... it i was like wow i want mine to be just like that. smart, beautiful and healthy ya no? and if i had one i already no my "FUTUREbabymomma" is beautiful, so no worries right?

like my favorite song i play everyday is Kanye west "i wonder"
listening to it helps me thinking and i like hearing it when I'm writing blogs.

You say he get on your fucking nerves
You hope that he get what he deserves, word
Do you even remember what the issue is
You just trying to find where the tissue is
You can still be who you wish you is
It ain't happen yet
And that's what the intuition is
When you hop back in the car
Drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
The smokescreens
The chokes and the screams
You ever wonder what it all really mean?

yo, like this verse makes me start rocking harder like damn... my nigga be spittin yo. i like hearing it live too. whelp imma end this blog like i leave the others.... and umm... no crazy words imma call you today. FAG!

And I'm back on my grind
A psychic read my lifeline
Told me in my lifetime
My name would help light up the Chicago skyline
And that's what I'm
Seven o'clock, that's prime time
Heaven'll watch, God calling from the hot lines
Why he keep giving me hot lines
I'm a star, how could I not shine
How many ladies in the house
How many ladies in the House without a spouse
Something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
What you about?