well..

its 3:30Am
Im On The Phone With Her
Shes Doesnt Know That Im Shaking
Nor That Fact That I Got Real Cold..
Havent Noticed That I Dropped My Phone
And My headphones..And Stumbled...
fumbling my words...
she just knows that im silent...
trying to act normal but i cant...


reason is this is the worst feeling i ever had in my life. like i never felt like this.
she just asked me was i still typing...yes i am. i want her to know that i feel terrible.
i feel like i owe her something...i feel like i cant change anything.
i feel like no matter what i do, in the end imma lose.
i got shit here that im dealing with and vice versa on her end. so i no in alot of ways she feels how i do. but she stresses more than i do. she got more to worry about that i do. she has responbilities to take care, and in my case i dont even no the half of how that feels.. i dont want her to feel like she alone and shit. i dont want to both be stressed out.

streets on fire is on...

anyway...im crying in the inside. and i never felt like that. wait, damn.. i just dropped a tear...
i didnt wanna do that.. i dont want any signs that im hurt. i want shit to be better. i wish i could help you. i wish i could help you ease the ways you feel, i do. but in reality i no as of now i cant.
and i wish all could stop here. just be me& you. thats what i want. cuz you tell me this and this is one thing i cant denie, it'll never be another you. its my fault and im sorry..

like, i want things to be better, no stress on your end or mine. no need for you to be jealous.
like, i knew once you wish you was getting the attention you want....

okay im talking shhh... i really don't no what to say cuz i feel so bad...

its 3:41am...

i dropped another one...
i wish i could of made you something to eat...and you wouldn't of had to get up
sigh. i apologize for stressing you. and making things worse...

but i cant walk away cuz i no how i feel...
but if thats what you want then i cant fight you...
i cant be selfish... but i want to be....
like this is such a big deal to me...
im like in love in shit....

i hate that you feel weird about stuff..
ionno what to do..sigh..
i feel so bad..

feel like imma die.

fin.